Pointless Pursuit: My Year of Picaresque Personal Ads
C. W. Shain
- Adapted
- from
- the
- Preface:Craigslist
- was
- an
- unknown
- to
- me
- until
- a
- dear
- friend
- extolled
- its
- beauty
- and
- strangeness.
- So
- one
- night,
- unable
- to
- sleep,
- I
- logged
- on,
- and
- was
- floored
- by
- this
- meeting
- place
- of
- high-low
- culture,
- ostentation
- and
- tawdriness
- happily
- mixed.
- I
- became
- enamored
- of
- this
- stinky
- and
- clamorous
- world
- market.And
- what
- attracted
- me
- the
- most
- were
- the
- personals:
- M-W,
- W-M,
- W-W,
- M-M,
- M-W-W,
- W-M-tricycles.Over
- succeeding
- nights,
- I
- continued
- to
- watch
- the
- ads
- scroll
- by...and
- one
- particular
- ad
- stood
- out
- like
- a
- plinth
- in
- a
- desert.
- Someone
- posted,
- reposted,
- and
- reposted—night
- after
- night—a
- desire
- to
- meet
- a
- Swiss
- gentleman.But
- as
- this
- desperate
- quest
- continued
- to
- reappear,
- endlessly,
- people
- began
- to
- post
- rude
- remarks
- to
- the
- author
- (of
- course).
- This
- seemed
- so
- uncalled
- for
- that
- I
- posted
- my
- own
- response,
- defending
- her
- against
- the
- mounting
- onslaught.
- Others
- too
- came
- to
- her
- defense,
- in
- an
- old-fashioned
- battle
- royal.The
- OP
- now
- began
- to
- append
- to
- her
- original
- ad
- all
- the
- letters
- of
- support
- she
- had
- received
- (mine
- included).
- I
- was
- a
- bit
- annoyed
- that
- there
- had
- been
- no
- acknowledgement
- or
- request
- to
- use
- my
- post,
- that
- I
- had
- been
- treated
- like
- spam....So
- my
- first
- personal
- ad
- was
- born:
- an
- act
- of
- petty
- revenge,
- a
- way
- to
- reclaim
- my
- own
- domain.Yet
- the
- effect
- was
- electrifying.
- I
- sought
- nothing,
- expected
- nothing,
- but
- people
- emailed
- me,
- thanking
- me
- for
- my
- hilarious
- "ad."
- Praise
- from
- intelligent,
- witty
- individuals
- spurred
- my
- creativity.
- In
- my
- brain,
- the
- doors
- holding
- back
- nonsense,
- string,
- and
- rubber
- balls
- were
- opened
- and
- I
- began
- a
- ludicrous
- and
- year-long
- adventure
- of
- writing
- personals.And
- the
- correspondence
- kept
- coming:
- my
- ads
- were
- byzantine,
- ridiculously
- obscure,
- slapstick.
- I
- was
- begged
- not
- to
- tire—or
- retire.
- Naturally,
- I
- fed
- off
- of
- this:
- I
- was
- offering
- a
- public
- service—laughter,
- distraction,
- repasts
- for
- a
- tired
- and
- beaten-down
- society.
- This
- was
- my
- contribution:
- a
- glistening
- ladle
- of
- water,
- a
- smile
- and
- kind
- eyes
- for
- a
- dystopian
- planet's
- distraught
- denizens.My
- personals,
- though
- nonsensical
- and
- filled
- with
- trivia
- (of
- the
- historical
- kind
- that
- most
- appeals
- to
- me)
- are
- also
- ultimately
- and
- intimately
- personal—for
- they
- are
- laced
- with
- my
- own
- nostalgia
- for
- lost
- worlds,
- lost
- imagery,
- and
- lost
- people.
- Everything
- changes,
- and
- never
- are
- the
- things
- that
- are
- lost
- replaced
- by
- something
- better.
- The
- only
- guarantee
- of
- change
- is
- that
- in
- adapting
- to
- it,
- even
- laughing
- at
- it,
- you
- must
- open
- yourself
- to
- the
- awareness
- of loss.
