It Never Rains in Paddafontein
Clive Cooke
- The
- setting
- of
- these
- stories
- is
- Paddafontein
- (Frog
- Fountain
- in
- English,
- pronounced
- ‘pudda
- fonteyn’)
- a
- remote
- village
- in
- the
- semi-desert
- Karoo
- district
- of
- Southern
- Africa.
- The
- inhabitants
- could
- be
- described
- as
- old-fashioned,
- quaint
- and
- conservative
- and
- at
- times
- more
- than
- a
- little
- strange.
- The
- sketches
- all
- have
- a
- strong
- ethnic
- flavour.
In
- the
- first
- story,
- The
- Trouble
- with
- Rina,
- we
- meet
- Katerina,
- or
- Rina
- for
- short,
- a
- woman
- who
- is
- possibly
- too
- modern
- for
- the
- conservative
- village.
- She
- is
- employed
- as
- a
- barmaid
- in
- the
- only
- tavern.
- Rina
- is
- not
- only
- good-looking,
- but
- wears
- the
- sort
- of
- clothing
- that
- attracts
- attention.
- As
- a
- result,
- the
- tavern
- becomes
- enormously
- popular
- with
- the
- men
- of
- the
- district.
- Understandably,
- this
- provokes
- a
- hostile
- reaction
- from
- the
- womenfolk
- who
- mount
- a
- campaign
- against
- the
- bar.
The
- second
- story,
- Carpentry
- for
- Beginners,
- introduces
- the
- village
- policeman
- (Piet)
- and
- his
- wife
- (Betty).
- Piet
- is
- the
- archetypal
- “stupid
- cop”.
- He
- has
- never
- solved
- a
- case
- in
- his
- life.
- Either
- the
- crime
- resolves
- itself
- without
- Piet’s
- interference,
- or
- Betty
- finds
- the
- solution.
- But,
- being
- a
- lovely
- person,
- and
- far
- more
- intelligent
- than
- her
- husband,
- Betty
- always
- gives
- him
- the
- credit.
In
- the
- third
- story,
- The
- Man
- Who
- Thought
- He
- was
- a
- Tree,
- the
- narrator
- sits
- on
- a
- bench
- at
- the
- Paddafontein
- spring
- minding
- his
- own
- business
- when
- he
- is
- joined
- by
- a
- stranger.
- The
- stranger
- believes
- he
- is
- a
- tree.
- Clearly,
- the
- man
- is
- insane.
- But,
- is
- he
- the
- only
- mad
- person
- in
- the
- village?
Paddafontein
- has
- its
- annual
- horse
- races
- on
- New
- Year’s
- Day.
- This
- year,
- the
- event
- is
- unlikely
- to
- be
- forgotten
- what
- with
- illegal
- betting,
- crooked
- judges,
- attempts
- to
- shoot
- the
- favourite
- and
- the
- escape
- of
- farmer
- van
- Zyl’s
- terrifying
- bull.
The
- three
- stories
- entitled
- “Love
- in
- a
- Hot
- Climate”
- are
- humorous
- sketches
- about:
- love
- as
- a
- commercial
- proposition:
- love
- potions
- designed
- to
- embolden
- shy
- suitors:
- and
- Paddafontein’s
- very
- own
- prophet
- who
- predicts
- a
- happy
- solution
- to
- love’s
- difficulties.
In
- Master
- in
- his
- Own
- Home,
- policeman
- Piet
- is
- up
- against
- his
- wife’s
- favourite:
- Marmalade
- the
- cat.
- Did
- you
- know
- that
- a
- person
- could
- be
- jealous
- of
- a
- cat?
The
- Honey
- Pot
- is
- about
- the
- disadvantages
- of
- wealth.
- Where
- the
- honey
- is,
- there
- will
- the
- bees
- be
- found.
The
- Points
- System
- is
- a
- sharp
- satire
- about
- doing
- good
- deeds
- for
- the
- wrong
- reason.
In
- Open
- Wide,
- Constable
- Piet
- pays
- a
- visit
- to
- the
- dentist.
An
- Honourable
- Profession
- is
- an
- allegory
- about
- looking
- down
- on
- the
- less
- fortunate
- members
- of
- society.
- The
- main
- character
- hates
- beggars.
- Beggars
- are
- dirty,
- they
- smell,
- they
- are
- lazy,
- they
- steal….
- But,
- what
- happens
- if
- you
- are
- made
- redundant
- and
- cannot
- find
- work?
We
- Don’t
- Eat
- Frogs
- in
- Paddafontein.
- The
- village
- is
- named
- Frog
- Fountain
- after
- the
- natural
- spring.
- Three
- different
- types
- of
- frogs
- are
- found
- there.
- It
- seems
- a
- sensible
- idea
- to
- capitalize
- on
- the
- village’s
- only
- asset.
- The
- owner
- of
- the
- village
- tavern
- sees
- a
- business
- opportunity
- for
- himself
- and
- organizes
- a
- Frog
- Barbecue.
Japie’s
- baboon
- is
- a
- metaphor
- for
- prejudice.
- Japie’s
- neighbours
- will
- stop
- at
- nothing
- to
- prevent
- him
- from
- owning
- a
- pet
- baboon.
White
- Lightning
- is
- the
- name
- of
- Uncle
- Thuys’
- home-made
- plum
- brandy.
- The
- brandy
- still
- is
- illegal
- and
- in
- competition
- with
- the
- only
- tavern
- in
- the
- village.
- The
- still
- is
- unsafe.
- It
- is
- an
- accident
- waiting
- to
- happen.
Ultra-High
- Frequency
- is
- a
- story
- which
- has
- its
- origins
- in
- a
- concert
- the
- writer
- attended
- where
- a
- bat
- was
- seen
- flying
- around
- the
- concert
- hall.
- Did
- the
- animal
- find
- the
- sounds
- of
- the
- scratchy
- violins
- painful,
- or
- did
- the
- high-frequency
- notes
- interfere
- with
- its
- radar
- system,
- or
- was
- it
- enjoying
- the
- music?
In
- A
- Fitting
- Monument,
- the
- local
- minister
- buys
- a
- wonderful
- new
- organ
- for
- the
- church
- which
- he
- sees
- as
- a
- monument
- to
- his
- years
- of
- service
- to
- the
- community.
- It
- turns
- out
- to
- be
- a
- monument
- indeed,
- but
- not
- quite
- as
- he
- intended.
The
- Karoo
- is
- semi-desert.
- However,
- freak
- storms
- have
- occurred
- in
- the
- past,
- some
- of
- which
- have
- been
- devastating.
- When
- Paddafontein
- decides
- to
- hold
- an
- arts
- festival,
- nature
- unleashes
- one
- of
- its
- rare
- storms
- on
- the village.
