Short Stories, Tall Stories
Clive Cooke
- Stirring
- the
- Pot
In
- the
- three
- stories:
- “Atlantis”,
- “Password
- Cleopatra”
- and
- “Minotaur”,
- the
- Captain
- runs
- a
- tourist
- business
- out
- of
- his
- re-modelled
- fishing
- vessel.
- He
- is
- a
- flawed
- character
- who
- does
- not
- relate
- well
- to
- other
- people.
- He
- becomes
- embroiled
- in
- various
- adventures
- which
- have
- an
- underlying
- element
- of
- fantasy.
“Celebrity
- Chef”.
- You’ve
- seen
- his
- series
- on
- TV.
- He
- is
- arrogant
- and
- offensive
- and
- he’s
- not
- particularly
- good
- at
- cooking.
- Now
- you
- have
- a
- chance
- to
- look
- behind
- the
- scenes
- to
- see
- what
- really
- goes
- on
- while
- making
- his
- TV
- shows.
“Technophobe”.
- You
- know
- you
- are
- old
- when
- you
- find
- that
- modern
- technology
- is
- too
- much
- to
- cope
- with.
- The
- story
- is
- partly
- based
- on
- fact,
- namely,
- the
- writer
- made
- a
- simple
- mistake
- filling
- out
- his
- income
- tax
- form
- on-line
- and
- was
- credited
- with
- seventeen
- million
- by
- the
- Tax
- Man.
- Thank
- you
- very
- much.
- By
- the
- way,
- I
- am
- writing
- this
- from
- jail.
The
- three
- “How
- to
- Murder”
- stories
- continue
- the
- theme
- from
- the
- previous
- collections.
- No-one
- actually
- gets
- murdered;
- this
- is
- pure
- fun.
- The
- story
- entitled
- “How
- to
- Murder
- Aunt
- Agatha”
- is
- my
- version
- of
- PG
- Wodehouse
- who
- parodied
- the
- idle
- rich
- of
- his
- day.
- Here
- we
- have
- Bertie
- Wooster
- up
- against
- his
- formidable
- Aunt
- Agatha.
- The
- lady
- holds
- the
- purse
- strings
- and
- she
- holds
- them
- very
- tightly.
“Oh
- Henry”
- is
- a
- tribute
- to
- the
- famous
- early
- 20th
- century
- American
- short-story
- writer,
- pen-name
- O
- Henry,
- real
- name
- Porter.
- Many
- of
- his
- favourite
- characters
- are
- villains
- and
- down-and-outs.
- His
- use
- of
- language
- and
- the
- originality
- of
- his
- images
- have
- seldom
- been
- surpassed.
Heard
- it
- on
- the
- Grapevine
“Emma”
- is
- a
- modern
- version
- of
- the
- famous
- novel
- by
- Jane
- Austen.
“Fake”
- is
- about
- falling
- in
- love
- with
- a
- crook.
- But,
- which
- one
- is
- the
- “good
- guy”
- and
- which
- one
- the
- “bad
- guy”?
- It
- seems
- that
- both
- the
- art
- dealer
- and
- the
- art
- restorer
- have
- shady
- backgrounds.
“Neighbours”
- is
- a
- warning
- not
- to
- get
- involved
- with
- those
- people
- next
- door.
- They
- might
- be
- social
- climbers.
- They
- might
- be
- leeches
- and
- they
- probably
- aren’t
- your
- type
- anyway.
- Your
- home
- is
- your
- castle.
The
- proverb
- is:
- “Hell
- Hath
- no
- Fury
- as
- a
- Woman
- Scorned”.
- When
- emotions
- get
- out
- of
- control,
- people
- can
- do
- some
- really
- dreadful
- things.
- This
- is
- a
- story
- of
- jealousy,
- revenge
- and
- murder.
The
- three
- humorous
- stories
- about
- divorce
- are
- set
- in
- different
- countries:
- “Divorce
- Australian
- Style,
- French
- Style
- and
- South
- African
- Style”.
Big
- Companies
- for
- Dummies
“Executive
- Rat”
- is
- the
- name
- given
- to
- the
- person
- in
- charge
- of
- the
- factory.
- He
- is
- less
- powerful
- than
- you
- might
- think.
- All
- he
- can
- do
- is
- to
- sit
- in
- his
- office
- pushing
- paper
- and
- worrying
- about
- the
- next
- disaster
- about
- to
- befall
- the
- factory.
“The
- Best
- of
- Enemies”
- should
- really
- be
- “the
- best
- of
- friends”.
- However,
- when
- it
- comes
- to
- career,
- power
- and
- money,
- even
- the
- best
- friendships
- can
- founder
- on
- the
- rocks
- of
- ambition.
“The
- Perfect
- Manager”
- is
- a
- modern
- version
- of
- Mary
- Shelley’s
- famous
- novel:
- “Frankenstein”.
“The
- Outsider”
- is
- about
- office
- politics.
- When
- joining
- a
- group,
- the
- rules
- of
- the
- game
- are
- that
- the
- newcomer
- should
- be
- humble.
- If
- he
- or
- she
- is
- not,
- we
- can
- expect
- repercussions.
It
- Never
- Rains
- in
- Paddafontein
In
- “Constable
- Piet
- at
- Your
- Service”
- the
- village
- policeman
- assists
- a
- pair
- of
- criminals
- escaping
- from
- the
- scene
- of
- the
- crime.
- Constable
- Piet
- is
- not
- all
- that
- bright.
In
- “how
- to
- Bury
- a
- Donkey”
- we
- learn
- (not
- how
- to
- bury
- a
- donkey)
- but
- how
- to
- make
- excuses.
- Jasper,
- a
- vagrant,
- is
- an
- excellent
- teacher.
- He
- has
- perfected
- the
- art
- of
- excuse-making
- to
- a
- high
- level.
- Constable
- Piet
- redeems
- himself
- by
- catching
- the
- robbers.
“Love
- in
- a
- Hot
- Climate”
- is
- inspired
- by
- Nancy
- Mitford’s
- novel.
- Only,
- the
- Karoo
- is
- a
- bit
- warmer
- compared
- to
- the
- United
- Kingdom.
In
- “Twins”
- we
- have
- a
- serious
- look
- at
- prejudice.
- One’s
- view
- of
- one’s
- self
- and
- one’s
- position
- in
- society
- can
- be
- destroyed
- when
- one
- produces
- a
- child
- that
- does
- not
- fit
- in
- with
- society’s norms.
