The Turdinator

Author Dick Midnight has taken familiar sci-fi themes and created poop parodies. In The Turdinator, he utilizes his scatire mastery to tackle The Terminator franchise.

“True creative genius occurs from one of two sources. While you’re in the shower, or on the shitter," Midnight explained. "They say write what you know. I know I’ve had a lot of apricots in my lifetime.”

The Turdinator tells the tale of Lana Colahna, a typical young woman in her prime just looking to let loose and have some fun on a Friday night. But a menacing killing machine from the future has been instructed to eliminate her and bring an end to a human rebellion decades in the making. Oh sure, time travel is confusing, but this is what those machines are doing, and what Lana has to try to survive. But she has battles on two fronts. That's inaccurate. She has a battle with the machine in front of her, and digestive implications on her backside.

The following is an excerpt from The Turdinator:

"The colossal creation made a dramatic plunge into the massive sewage vestibule. It splashed furiously in an effort to maintain some hold. Onto anything. But the weight was too great, and it slowly slid deeper.

It transported to this place for the purposes of eliminating human inefficiency. Instead, that human inefficiency had efficiently become the expressway to its own elimination.

As it strained and struggled, Lana’s mind wandered to a perplexing image. For a moment, the creature looked human. Not in an artificial skin coating sort of way, but in a briefly human way. The fighting for survival way. And with that image, Lana imagined a bizarre future, where a beast that was bent on her destruction could somehow be reconfigured to act as a savior. A savior for her as yet born son, perhaps as they joined forces to fend off an updated model of the human killing machine.

Nah. That would be insanity, she thought. Something like that could never happen.

And then…as victor and vanquished made eye contact one final time…she wasn’t so sure.

“I’ll be backed…up,” the failed pursuer defiantly quipped before succumbing to its murky fate at the bottom of the tank…"

Is this retelling as crappy and inconsistently incontinent as some of the movies? You be the judge.