I never knew it was in me

This book explores how identity remains recognizable under prolonged pressure and change.

In I Never Knew It Was in Me, Matteo Bellori shares his personal experience of living with autism and receiving a late diagnosis. For many years, life appeared stable from the outside: work, relationships, and responsibilities were in place. Internally, however, the ongoing effort of adaptation, masking, and meeting expectations gradually eroded coherence, eventually leading to autistic burnout.

Rather than presenting autism as a diagnosis to be explained, the book examines what happens when a person continuously operates beyond their sustainable capacity. It asks how identity comes under strain when sensory overload, emotional regulation, and social demands accumulate without sufficient recovery.

This is not a clinical guide, but an honest and reflective account of living with a differently wired brain. Bellori explores sensory processing, emotions, relationships, work, parenthood, and the search for balance, not as isolated themes but as interconnected processes shaped by long-term pressure. Central to the narrative is self-understanding as a prerequisite for recovery, rather than self-correction.

Written from lived experience, the book offers recognition and reassurance to adults with autism, as well as to those who suspect they may be autistic. It also provides partners, family members, and professionals with insight into what often remains unseen beneath the surface. Autism is not framed as a limitation, but as a different way in which coherence and load are experienced.

I Never Knew It Was in Me is a thoughtful and accessible book for anyone who has always felt slightly out of step with the world — and for those who want to understand what happens when identity is pushed beyond its tolerance.

This book is part of a broader body of work examining identity, change, and coherence across human experience.