- The
- writer
- and
- star
- of
- The
- State,
- Wet
- Hot
- American
- Summer,
- The
- Baxter,
- and
- Michael
- &
- Michael
- Have
- Issues
- brings
- readers
- his
- uniquely
- absurd
- humor
- in
- his
- hilarious
- first
- book.I
- was
- at
- my
- wit's
- end.
- I'd
- had
- enough
- of
- this
- job,
- this
- life,
- and
- my
- relationship
- had
- broken
- up.
- Should
- I
- eat
- chocolate,
- or
- go
- to
- India,
- or
- fall
- in
- love?
- Then
- I
- had
- a
- revelation:
- Why
- not
- do
- all
- three,
- in
- that
- order?
- And
- so
- it
- was
- that
- I
- embarked
- on
- a
- journey
- that
- was
- segmented
- into
- three
- parts
- and
- was
- then
- made
- into
- a
- major
- motion
- picture.
- Later,
- I
- woke
- up
- on
- an
- airplane
- with
- a
- hole
- in
- my
- face
- and
- a
- really
- bad
- hangover.
- I
- was
- ushered
- brusquely
- off
- the
- plane
- by
- my
- parents
- who
- took
- me
- to
- a
- rehab
- where
- I
- tested
- positive
- for
- coke,
- classic
- coke,
- special
- k
- (the
- drug),
- Special
- K
- (the
- cereal),
- mushrooms,
- pepperoni,
- and
- Restless
- Leg
- Syndrome.
- It
- was
- there
- that
- I
- first
- began
- painting
- with
- my
- feet.But
- rewind...the
- year
- was
- 1914.
- I
- was
- just
- a
- young
- German
- soldier
- serving
- in
- the
- trenches
- while
- simultaneously
- trying
- to
- destroy
- an
- evil
- ring
- with
- some
- help
- from
- an
- elf,
- a
- troll,
- and
- a
- giant
- sorcerer,
- all
- while
- cooking
- every
- recipe
- out
- of
- a
- Julia
- Child
- cookbook.
- What
- I'm
- trying
- to
- say
- is
- that
- there
- was
- a
- secret
- code
- hidden
- in
- a
- painting
- and
- I
- was
- looking
- for
- it
- with
- this
- girl
- who
- had
- a
- tattoo
- of
- a
- dragon!
- Let
- me
- clarify,
- it
- was
- the
- 1930s
- and
- a
- bunch
- of
- us
- were
- migrating
- out
- of
- Oklahoma,
- and
- I
- was
- this
- teenage
- wizard/CIA
- operative,
- okay?
- And,
- um
- then
- I
- floated
- off
- into
- the
- meta-verse
- as
- a
- ball
- of
- invisible
- energy
- that
- had
- no
- outer
- edge...Ugh,
- okay.
- None
- of
- this
- is
- true.
- I'm
- just
- kind
- of
- a
- normal
- guy
- from
- New
- Jersey
- who
- moved
- to
- New
- York,
- got
- into
- comedy,
- wrote
- this
- book
- about
- trying
- to
- write
- this
- book,
- and
- then
- moved
- to
- Alaska,
- became
- the
- mayor
- of
- a
- small
- town,
- spent
- $30,000
- on
- underwear,
- and
- now
- I'm
- going
- to
- rule
- the world!!!
pro-mbooks3 : libris
