- Nothing
- could
- be
- more
- idyllic
- than
- growing
- up
- in
- a
- small
- Oklahoman
- town.
- That
- was
- as
- true
- for
- me
- as
- for
- everyone
- else
- in
- my
- neighbourhood
- until
- I
- began
- the
- third
- grade.
- Then
- things
- changed
- and
- not
- for
- the
- better.
- But
- perhaps
- the
- worst
- of
- all
- that
- happened
- to
- me
- was
- the
- end
- of
- my
- friendship
- with
- the
- girl
- three
- doors
- down
- from
- my
- home,
- a
- relationship
- I
- had
- imagined,
- even
- in
- that
- prepubescence
- age,
- would
- last
- forever.But
- the
- warm
- sunshine
- of
- that
- effervescent
- childhood
- was
- over—dead.
- As
- dead
- as
- any
- future
- that
- consisted
- of
- more
- than
- some
- two-bit
- job
- leading
- nowhere
- and
- promising
- nothing
- but
- death
- shortly
- after
- retirement.
- I
- was
- one
- of
- those:
- the
- losers,
- the
- socially-inept,
- the
- last
- to
- be
- chosen,
- a
- bottom-feeder,
- the
- slow-witted,
- the
- never
- to
- succeed.
- Forever
- to
- be
- stuck
- in
- this
- town,
- never
- to
- escape,
- with
- zero
- prospects
- of
- having
- anything
- else
- but
- a
- lonely
- and
- stunted
- life,
- being
- an
- outsider,
- a
- nobody,
- inside
- a
- community
- where
- everyone
- knew
- everyone
- else.It
- was
- hard
- enough
- to
- accept,
- let
- alone
- endure.
- But
- standing
- alone
- by
- my
- bedroom
- window
- and
- peering
- out
- far
- too
- many
- countless
- times
- and
- catching
- sight
- of
- Rachel
- Magnussen
- outside
- her
- house,
- my
- situation
- grew
- to
- become
- untenable:
- Rachel
- of
- beauty,
- of
- athleticism,
- of
- intelligence,
- full
- of
- social
- grace
- and
- verve.
- She
- was
- leading
- a
- charmed
- life.
- I
- was
- cursed.
- As
- she
- triumphantly
- ascended
- into
- her
- mid-teenage
- years,
- I
- was
- on
- a
- never-ending,
- swirling
- descent
- into
- the
- gutter,
- simply
- struggling
- for
- existence.
- She
- had
- everything.
- I
- had
- nothing.The
- girl
- of
- my
- dreams
- was
- just
- that,
- and
- I
- had
- to
- suppress
- what
- I
- felt
- for
- her.
- I
- couldn't
- let
- her
- know
- and
- have
- myself
- crushed
- beyond
- what
- I
- already
- was.
- And
- it
- was
- impossible
- to
- believe
- she
- might
- share
- any
- of
- the
- feelings
- I
- held
- tightly
- inside
- myself
- for
- her,
- not
- with
- a
- nerdy,
- stupid,
- pimply-faced,
- ninety
- pound
- weakling
- named
- Ryan
- Nielsen.Then
- the
- unexpected
- happened.
- Someone
- came
- into
- my
- life,
- someone
- who
- asked
- me:
- "Is
- this
- all
- you
- want?"
- If
- ever
- there
- was
- a
- rhetorical
- question—that
- was
- the
- one.
- Yes,
- yes,
- yes,
- YES!
- I
- wanted
- more.
- I
- wanted
- better.
- I
- wanted
- Rachel.
- And
- the
- funny
- thing
- was:
- I
- discovered
- my
- feelings
- for
- the
- girl
- down
- the
- street
- were
- not
- the
- last
- of
- what
- was
- suppressed
- within
- me.The
- improbable,
- the
- impossible,
- came
- to
- be.
- I
- had
- both
- almost
- within
- my
- grasp:
- a
- brand
- new
- future,
- one
- I
- could
- never
- have
- anticipated,
- and
- Rachel.And
- then
- I
- was betrayed.
pro-mbooks3 : libris
